Confessions of Me

emo. -fied, -ness.

wanted to blog after tue’s singing session with ting and ofe

should have blogged then

but was busy with thoughts in my head and not to mention CHP now coz i’m in the presentation and report grp and on top of that to mug for pros

should have gone ahead and blog though

now everything in my head is lost? can’t really remember what i wanted to say.. keep putting everything in urgent priority above myself. when can i really put MY needs and MY wants in top perspective?

“when i saw you i fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.”

it is such a sweet quote from the great shakespeare

caught it in an advertisment and made me pensive

been thinking and thinking. been questioning and questioning. been doubting and doubting.

is it real? what i feel? is it possible? what i dream of?

at times, it seems so surreal. misty-ily, i held u. i belonged to u. i knew u. i touched u.

other times, it stares at u bare, stripped of any hint of subtleness

the gawking reality of things. kinda hits fast and hard. like it took the breath out of u.

and then u hold ur breath. with all ur might. as if to protect that already faded to a glimmer of heaven. but u know. sooner or later. u gotta come up for air. and then. u lost it..

how to grab sand that only slips through ur hands?

how to go chasing smoke that only disappears into thin air?

“what’s in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

i remembered the 1st time i heard that quote

it was from romeo & juliet

it stucked with me since then

i truly wonder how best to comprehend that line. i see so many different light on it. but the truth is, it can be use to describe anything and everything and the world. so complex. yet. so simple..

the books. they have made me soft. made me alive. made me FEEL.

made me. made me.. love. again..

“it’s not the way you walk, and it aint the way you talk. it aint the job you got, that keeps me satisfied. your love it feels so good, and that’s what takes me high. higher than i’ve been before. and your love, it keeps me alive. thought I should let you know, that your touching means so much. when i’m alone at night, it’s you i’m always thinking of baby. oh won’t you understand how I feel deep inside? you made feel all I need to feel. Yes, in my heart.”

loving you, no matter how un-surreal it is/seems, ignites that spark again

i know what to do now. where to go. how to get there.

passion.

driving force.

i’ve never been this driven and passionate towards a direction since my 1st and also my previous journey to med sch

i can succeed

for u, i will. for u, i must try.

“can’t you see? every step i have taken has been to bring myself closer to you..”

i can’t give up now. not when i’ve just begun to see the path i must take.

u shone the light. u shed the truth. everything makes sense now. i see the path i must take now.

i will control all the variables i can

but first to fulfil my obligations to my family and my promise to myself

then.. towards the skies

but.. but what if?

could i seek comfort in that i’ve tried?

that no matter how hard, how long, how tedious..

u just can’t fight the fate or destiny huh?

if that’s the case, then i hope, with all the might i can harness

that u are my fate, my destiny, mine to keep

i wish

“the truth is hiding in your eyes. and it’s hanging on your tongue. just boiling in my blood. but you think that I can’t see. what kind of man that you are, if you’re a man at all. Well, I will figure this one out. On my own. (I’m screaming, “I love you so.”) On my own. (My thoughts you can’t decode) There is something I see in you. It might kill me. But I want it to be true.”

yes i do, so badly.

“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…” he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word. “What a stupid lamb,” I sighed. “What a sick, masochistic lion.” He stared into the shadowy forest for a long moment, and I wondered where his thoughts had taken him.”

u can devour me anytime.

How.. did i allow myself to fall.. so deeply, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you? For i don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.. Take glory, for you have captured the heart of a free spirit.. And i, am your trophy to keep..
I ♥ you.

i really do.

“Have I found you, Flightless bird? Jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth? Big pill looming. Have I found you, Flightless bird? Grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth? Big pill stuck going down.”

erratic thoughts. finally got the flow as i typed, was banking on that

still in love ever so ever with my blog skin

like it just leaped out from my mind

only 3 times so far i’ve encountered such nice-ies

i’ll do what i have to do now

hopefully it turns in my favour

time to cash in some of the karma card

keeping my fingers crossed

gonna colour my hair on wed 21st jan with ting and my sis at jean yip academy

dirt cheap compared to my usual salon but we’ll see how the service and job done goes to comment further

i leave u with one of my favourite quote from (if u’ve been paying attention to my life at all recently) you know where:

“Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.”

to my dreams: i’m coming

to only you: wait for me.. stay for me.. be, with me..

was just mugging and listening to songs in my itunes.. songs, like smells, are the ways my mind works in remembering things. u know, like a certain song reminds u of a certain someone. this song reminds u of a certain time of ur life. that song reminds u of ur feelings then. things like that. and smells.. funny how the dear ole’ olfactory (get the pun?) system works in the body. this reminds me of that character in ‘pushing daisies’ who commented that smells are an important and indispensable way of how the mind remembers things, it attaches them to intangible things like smells and songs (well, at least it’s true to a large extent for me).

so anyway, yeah, i think the title of my post says it all. i thought a lot abt things today. and this post will be a summary of what my poor worn-out brain came up with on this really fine and beautiful day. speaking of which, i almost was tempted by the weather to go out for a run but i didn’t for the sake of mugging. ever since my nike+ 10km run, i somehow re-ignited my love for running again. let’s see where this will take me this time. and yes, i feel like a lil’ gal now.. giggling at times to myself. ahhh.. i seem to have forgotten what it’s like to be in love. thanks to someone, i feel alive again. feeling like i can “feel” again and not someone worn-out and burnt-out by the many many unnecessary worries of life when she’s in fact, at the prime of her life! must enjoy this moment of time i’m living. this is refreshing.. =)

i love typing in italics. the slunted words looks so classy and calligraphy type which, btw, i couldn’t quite master during sec sch calligraphy classes, be it chinese or english ones. but i decided not to type my whole entry in italics, if not it won’t be special anymore. too much of a good thing is bad right? and u know that i hardly blog coz i’m too busy with sch work. so i better blog while i am relatively “free-er”. as i was saying, presenting -> the random thoughts in skipicus’s head today:

“i wanna fall from the sky, straight into your arms.. i feel you, i hope you comprehend..”

i think the events yesterday made me come to a decision. which i think is good. u know me, i hate it when things are “in the air”. i prefer security, stability. hence, it makes me more at ease that i’ve come to a decision for myself. i think i’m gonna enjoy the moment, the thrill of it all. i know this will probably take quite sometime before it arrives at my ideal ending. but i have a good feeling abt this. this feels like a reminencent of my july-september ‘06. and i’m taking the slow walk there. slow’s good for a change. i’ll work hard. inch by inch. taking one step at a time. and i have a feeling that at least, it will be worth it. it won’t be wasted. here’s my confession: i like you. i really do. but for now, i can’t stop smiling when i think of you.. which is more than enough. =)

i love the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s song. i enjoy listening to them over gold 90.5fm or class 95fm when i get bored of watching mtv on my cable tv or listening to 98.7fm. these oldies are songs i grow up listening to. thank god for technology now. i can finally download them and listen to it on my ipod instead of  waiting around the radio and hoping they’d play my favourite song like i did when i was little. they really bring back memories of happy times..

songs like ‘grace kelly’, ‘relax/take it easy’, ‘lovestoned’, ‘leaving’ and ‘4 minutes to save the world’ reminds me of med sch. i remember how hard i was mugging in m1 for pros with ‘grace kelly’ and i immediately got reminded of yao chen singing it. which was really funny and a nice break from mugging to laugh together. then ‘relax/take it easy’ and ‘lovestoned’ reminded me of the after biochem supps period going on to medicamp ‘07 and m2 life. oh.. those times. still brings a sigh to me. ‘leaving’ and ‘4 minutes to save the world’ reminded me of csfc times..

sometimes i get sick of the smart pple ard me. i mean, what’s impt to me are my virtues, my morals, my values, my family and my close friends. i believe in showing compassion and being caring to my patients. i feel a doctor without compassion or poor PR skills nowadays is unacceptable, well, at least to me. i always try to put myself in others’ shoes and ask myself how i would feel or how i would like to be treated if in their situation. i believe what goes around will come around. it’s not that i’m stupid, but coz i show more concern to my patients than compared to my peers, that seems like all they can remember abt me. in my logbook, for both csfc and gen surg posting, i get comments like “compassionate and caring to patients. participate actively in tutorials”. wherelse my peers get like “hardworking and well-read. picks up concepts fast. quick learner”. i’m like. so what does that make me? a nurse? *bish* i’m sure my nightly msn emo buddy comprehends exactly what i’m saying. but at the end of the day, what’s impt to me is that i’m a good doctor. and good meaning a proficient enough as well as a caring and compassionate one at that. i just aim to pass every year as i always have since m1. i don’t have to come out tops. i’m happy to finally be in my clinical years now.. =)

i also thought of my good ole’ jc days. having freshly met my beloved jc clique last week to celebrate 3 of their birthdays which falls, coincidentally, within 2 days of each other, i feel alive once again. finally having fun like a youth my age should. my close friends. they never fail to make me feel in tuned with life once again. like i told my friends, if u ask me at which part of my academic life did i consider as having the best time of my life, i’d say my jc life. whenever the going gets tough in med sch, i wish i was back in jc. where everything was simple. and fruitful. it’s really the epitome of u reap what u sow.. i owe a lot to my jc. everything i am. the person i am. the characters i have. the attitude to life. the mindset. everything. i owe them to my teachers and the life-shaping experiences i have in my pjc. those years of my life shape me to the person i am today. and i am thankful for that everyday of my life. since pjc has done so much for me, i am delighted everytime i’m invited back to give a speech during assembly or a senior/alumni-junior sharing session or career seminars. i am grateful for the chance to give something back to the sch that has done so much for me. 3 yrs now, i’ve been actively involved in such activities for pj.. and i am gonna continue contributing back for as long as i can coz pjc students just deserves the attention and inspiration that they so sorely lack sometimes. i feel that students from humble backgrounds go far in knowing the works of life.

oh well.. it’s getting late now. tmr starts a whole 6 weeks of endless mugging and rushing for gen med. gah. this blog will get dusty again but i certainly hope it wouldn’t grow a cake of dust like how i left it for a yr during m2. seriously. m2 was madness, pure “medness”. till soon, enjoy life peepz!!

“don’t be afraid, oh my love, i’ll be watching u from above.. and i’d give all the world tonight, to be with u, because i’m on ur side.. just think of me, and i’ll be there..”

i think i’m in love….. =)

with more love,

skipicus =)

heh.. u know when i actually manage to blog, it has to be that i either am on a break or on rare rest days after tests/exams right? =P

anyway, i really love the new blog skin. i was scrolling through the new options and when i found this skin, i was like, this is it. love at first sight. really love the mural at the top.. it somehow transports me to a whole different place.. i always dreamt of strolling in such a place. when things become so uptight that they drive me to a corner as it always does and seems to happen, i like to escape into such thoughts in my head. and wish that right there and then, i could escape and fly to somewhere in europe or america and walk along the countryside or in a park. feel the cool autumn breeze caress ur face. huddle in ur warm clothes. don’t u just wish u were there now? =)

just when i decided to set up a new blog and change/transfer my blog to blogspot coz this friendster blog link hasn’t been working for the longest gazillion time that i can recall, ta-da, it suddenly started working so perfectly.. like as if my blog got scared till it worked again.. hahaz! i guess friendster finally decided to upgrade it’s system or it will lose out to the speed and ease of using facebook huh? but now that’s it back, it’s (i must say) much faster, efficient and prettier with more options.. talk abt making a comeback with a boom ya?

so anyway, i just finished my patho CA 3 on saturday and i must say, what the heck! seriously, i was just lamenting to my friends on how disgusted i was with myself.. as in, i wonder why in yr 2 when there was wave after wave of CAs, i still manage to get along somehow. but now? one CA and i can barely study finish. honestly, i went in doing the test being not prepared enough for it to my standards. there seems to be just too much info to load in le. even though i spent a decent 3 weeks on it, sacrificing my gen med in the process. haiz.. and now that that’s over, gen med is in serious need of catching up. i guess we never really do get a break right? oh well, the test is over.. i think it went so-so.. hopefully i’ll get some decent grade for it and not pull down the grades i worked so hard for in yr 2.

also went out with my 2 close buddies after the test yesterday. as usual we hung out at a coffee joint (this time it was coffeebean at taka) to relax, chat and update each other on the latest in our lives. it’s so ironic we’re being posted to the same hospital but we never manage to go out coz of all the committments to mugging every now and then. this coffee talk was long overdued!

so anyway, it felt so good to just relax manz.. i pampered myself throughly yesterday. from creamy al fungi pasta complete with a drink and soup from pastamania for lunch, to 200g of cookies from famous amos, to mocha ice-blended at coffeebean.. the last part of pampering myself is watching gossip girls on my com.

also had a good talk with my girls. was just telling them the stuff in my head now. i am in a good position now and i really don’t wanna make a bad choice and sabotage myself. on one hand i have something but i’m not really convinced abt it. on the other hand, i am intrigued by another someone and i really wish to get to know that other person better. however, it’s a bit tough. maybe it’s not the best timing. i think we’re both pretty busy and caught up with mugging to pay too much attention to such stuff. the other person can hardly talk and i also dun wanna disturb the mugging process. i don’t think the ignoring is on purpose either. and i made efforts coz i think it’d be a waste. subtle hints fly towards. this is such a familiar reminder of the times when i first entered med sch. the ‘he’ at that time, really took my breath away. he was all i could look at amidst a crowd. lemme recall how i made it happen. i somehow forgot how to do it. and i really wish to make this happen. so i’ll try. it’s the kind of vague signs. the kind of guessing game. thrilling right? but it gets confusing trust me. but this is all me, the other person is an innocent, clueless party of all of these. hahaz.. hopefully this will end in a good way. if it does, it’ll be a blessing.. for now, i’ll just stand one side and look on and do what i do.

so now that patho’s over, time to set into action many things i’ve procrastinated just so to mug for patho. must start to organise my annual councillor-councillee dinner with dearest councillor annalisa, must set an outing date for kinkinus, must set aside 2 days for my weitingting’s bdae & must hunt for her prezzie!! gotta also start doing up my planner.. if not by the end of the year i still haven’t do it, might as well recycle for next year.. hahaz!

okiez! zooming off to munch on my famous amos cookies, my dinner, mooncakes and watch tv and gossip girls!! time is of the essence. =P

XOXO. You know you love me. skipicus. =o)

hahahaz… doesn’t the title sounds something like grey’s anatomy’s episode ones? they named all their episodes from title of songs. anyway, i was watching the latest CSI NY season 4 on AXN that day and i came across a very cool song. hahaz. i always happen to find interesting songs from my tellie. does ‘hide and seek’ by imogen heap and ‘running away’ by midnight hour as well as ‘new day’ by kate havnevik sound familiar? see? btw, they are good recommendations. so here’s the interesting song i was talking abt. take a listen to it. it’s good stuff.

Your fingertips across my skin.
The palm trees swaying in the wind.
Images.

You sang me spanish lullabies.
The sweetest sadness in your eyes.
Clever trick.

I never want to see you unhappy.
I thought you’d want the same for me.

Goodbye, my almost lover.
Goodbye, my hopeless dream.
I’m trying not to think about you.
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance.
My back is turned on you.
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache.
Almost lovers always do.

We walked along a crowded street.
You took my hand and danced with me.
Images.

And when you left you kissed my lips.
You told me you’d never ever forget these images, no.

I never want to see you unhappy.
I thought you’d want the same for me.

Goodbye, my almost lover.
Goodbye, my hopeless dream.
I’m trying not to think about you.
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance.
My back is turned on you.
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache.
Almost lovers always do.

I cannot go to the ocean.
I cannot drive the streets at night.
I cannot wake up in the morning.
Without you on my mind.
So you’re gone and I’m haunted.
And I bet you are just fine.
Did I make it that easy?
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover.
Goodbye, my hopeless dream.
I’m trying not to think about you.
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance.
My back is turned on you.
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache.
Almost lovers always do.

-’almost lover’ by A Fine Frenzy

so this hols. if u ask me if i spent it well. i’d say yes… and no. yes coz i watched loads of tellie. u know bellie. finished the latest seasons of house, grey’s, gossip girls, ANTM cycle 9, pushing daisies. downloaded loads of songs. watched more tv. done loads of shopping and now my wardrobe’s bursting once again. but what can i say, retail therapy’s the life. only thing i wish i did more was hang out more with my friends. although i wouldn’t trade the family time and absolutely slacking days reminiscent of my 8 mths hols quite a long while ago for anything, still, it would be good to have more time to chill out. a pity u can’t have ur cake and eat it too. 3 weeks is too short. seriously.

and now that the hols are ending. crazy pple are already buying like EVEN MORE textbooks. which sends the rest who hasn’t bought anything or have no clue what-so-ever into a frenzy (the irony. hah.). god. more text. guess it’s nvr ever gonna be enough aye? thank god my councillor comforted me much. life’s really a bitch in med sch if not for her. so thank god for her. amen to that. oh. and of course, not to forget my special sistas and weitingting who ever so brightens up bellie’s life. love u much gals.

okay. on to more tv shows. *zooms off*

-with love, skipicus =)

Renaissance: A rebirth or revival.

Hello folks. It’s been indeed a long long loooooooooooonnnnngggggg time. i think it’s been a year has it? lolz.. and trust me, after this short break i have, i think this blog is in for another long long loooooooooooooooonnnnggggg hibernation again.

So to catch up, what have i been up to for one whole yr?! well, on the side of sch, don’t even get me started. let’s just say, i’m finally where i wanna be in terms of sch, finally working in hospitals. goodbye long days of lectures and tutorials. i don’t miss u too much. =P as for life, currently having like 3 weeks of break from 31st may - 23rd june before yr 3 starts. so as u smart math freaks would have figured out, i’m into my last week of break now. so far been quite good. spending everyday slacking and eating and watching tons of tv. and no housework to mention. gosh. ain’t i princess at home? =P

lately, i’m into watching gossip girls. that’s after i’m done with tons of movies, house, grey’s, ANTM. that’s just a few to mention. and yes, i really am a tv monster. no denying that. =P i think gossip girls is interesting. at first i thought it was like some raunchy new teen bitching show. but hey presto! it turns out to do a desperate housewives on me. actually, it started off all bitchy and gossipy and scandalous lives of the high class elites in manhattan. however, as the show goes on, it actually relates a lot to life. i’ll go on to explain later.

"when u get a boyfriend, u become the best friend. and the best friend? becomes the 2nd best friend."

Spotted. B educating S on how it should be in a r/s. hahaz… okay, that was gossip girl talk. anyhow, i see truth in the sentence. having once been in S’s position and then seeing my own close friend being caught up in that same turmoil at the other end of the stick. well… all i can say is life’s a bitch at times. don’t mess with fire and it won’t come back to bite u. but then again, if u don’t live life taking risks, u won’t be living at all right?

"can’t live with u. but wouldn’t be living without u."

Spotted. On the back of a tea bag meant for sistas to sip and chat over tea. chat? might as well be bitch. that’s the way life is when u’re with ur sistas. unless u rather be all holy and nun-y. come on. why fight the temptation? if u can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. anyhow, watching GG has made me think a lot. i see a reflection of my numerous relationships in the show. the different feelings involved in each r/s. the different situation and consequences involved for each r/s. indeed the r/s in GG is like a mirror to mine. if there’s one word to describe all the r/s, it’d be: complicated.

"没有你, 我发现自己无法感动. 是否当身边的人都变成观众, 我该做作? Oh You are the sunshine in my life, but i don’t really know. 需要你的时候, 感受你的温柔, 能不能勇敢说: 爱? 也许到最后, 你还是要走…"

With D and S, i see them so in love, so into each other, so sweet and loving tgt. But of course, like any good real r/s, the past comes to haunt. and then trust becomes the issue. do u really know who ur partner is? the one u fell so in love with? the one u look so endearingly into those eyes? the one u whisper all those sweet nothings into that cute thing of a ear? the one… the one who does all of that, right back at u, to show that it’s mutual. no matter how dark and unforgiving the past, could u really forgive and forget and act like nothing has ever happened? is the her now more impt and the past will be the past? if so… what happened to history repeats itself?

On a separate note, seeing my two long time friends being married now gives me food for thought. when it ended once, a long time ago, it was so bitter. tears and words flowed like it didn’t cost a thing. i thought this was the most upsetting and it was a pity things ended such way. a few yrs later. who knew? they actually got married! can things really make a come back? can things really turn around 180 with time? when things ended so bitterly. when things seem no longer right anymore. when separation looks the best option now before WW4 starts. sigh… in any case, congrats P and S! i wish u both marital bliss and don’t forget to keep in touch.. stay happy and in love always!! =)

"Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere? Or would it be a waste, even if I knew my place, should I leave it there?"

With L and R, it was love at first sight. ahhh… but young love being young love, got cut short by the many attractions and priorities more impt in life than love at that ‘young and abt to enter the world’ age. and so they separate. after marriages and kids, they finally cross paths again. but despite their longing feelings still there, the situation they’re in can’t allow them to get back together. so R, can u stand watching the woman u love in the arms of another? to see her being embraced and tenderly kissed by a man other than u? to watch her so longing for that man to be u but it all can’t be? and L, could u see the irony now? how torn it is? for u to be in ur man’s arms but longing to be in another? for u to kiss ur man but ur eyes and heart wander to another than him? ur heart is betrayed by the look in ur eyes…

"Thought I couldn’t live without you. It’s going to hurt when it heals too. Oh yeaah, It’ll all get better in time. Even though I really love you, I’m gonna smile because I deserve too. Oooh, It’ll all get better in time…"

With B and N, been together for the longest time. childhood friends. childhood lovers. never imagined a future without each other. but imagined and spotted or not, it did came to a point where everything just wasn’t right anymore. and with C to mess up the picture-perfect scenary, looks like everything’s set to end. how do u decide when’s enough? is pitying a r/s and thus reviving it a good or bad thing? yes, they really did love each other while it lasted. but maybe it’s just best left at that. love. lies. deceit. messy, messy, complications.

"Do you know where your love is? Do you think that you lost it? You felt it so strong, but nothing’s turned out how you wanted."

Well… me better get going on to complete my GG now. At episode 15 now, it ends at episode 18 and has only one season. yupz.. gonna go out tmr and with VII a.k.a vebeliz on tue ‘to the beach to bitch’ outing. hmmm, with regards to other guys asking me out… i don’t know what i should do. i’ll ask my sistas. and i should start a new blog on blogger or something. this friendster thing is killing me. it’s so yester-year. and it’s mother laggie. but it all depends. it’s not like i blog anyway. =P

enjoy ur hols while u can peepz. knock urself out. bellie skipicus tv monster signing off for now.

love,

skipicus =)

ahhhh… blogging. i haven’t done much of that word in quite a long while… with all the fury of activities from vivas to supps to medicamp to trying to get some sort of pathetic hols before sch starts… ahhhh… life’s a bit bleak suddenly. =/

well let’s see… what has been happening in my life since the last time i blogged?? hmmm… did biochem supps… definitely harder than pros… =S crazy qns. bah. but i got a B for that… which thrashed my anat and physio… ironic thing is, my fav subject of physio did the worse while my most hated subject of biochem did the best… what utter rubbish. on the other hand, i unfortunately have 4 of my comarades who has fallen… i particularly feel very upset for 2 of them… i feel so much for them coz having been there before, i know, beyond words, it just sucks… and it’s a pity coz they really studied hard along with the rest of us supps pple… and they help keep my spirits up so i could take the supps confidently… haiz… what can i do for them?? what should i do for them?? but i know, in those moments, even though everyone seems to be offering a lot to you, u can’t help it but feel very very alone… so alone. my heart sincerely goes out to them manz… haiz.

on another note.. been thinking still if i should stay on in med… since the vivas, it really baffles me… and this is a decision i have yet to come to full terms with… today, i went back to my fav place in the world, pjc, as a guest speaker for the scholars development prog (SDP) in my sch… it was more of a Q&A session to allow them to ask us qns abt our course… i look back at myself today… and i see how much joy it brought me just to talk abt being in medicine and to talk abt how much i had to do to get myself in there… what i like abt my medicine life… why i love/chose medicine… more than i want to admit to my adamant self, i realise i can never give medicine up… coz sadly, it seems like the only success in my life worth mentioning… but of course, it is also coz it is a dream come true… i talked to my once-teachers-now-close-friends… and many things they talked abt are true… so i shall be brave… and dare to try again… as for starting sch in a few days… let’s just say… i wish i had already stopped sch. studying just totally sucks. it makes me depress. period.

now for something happier… shopping!!! hahahaz… this never fails to get me high… =) i went shopping with kinkinus on friday to ang moh kio hub… ironically, we bought a lot of things but all from the heartland stores ard amk hub instead of the shops inside… ahhaz!!! i tell u, we got great bargains manz!!! totally. i spent $38.80 while kinkinus spent $39.20… we bought damn a lot of stuff… i bought a dress top, shoes, belt, necklace, earrings and a scheduler… wow… in this hols… i think if i were to count the grand total of how much all my shopping cost, i’d be dead broke not just ass broke… but lucky princess me, got mummy to pay 80% of my spendings… so all’s well!!! the day’s safe for belbel once again!!! =P

so in the hols, i got new clothes (tons so it), new accessories (be it belts, earrings, necklaces), new shoes, great food, good entertainment… ya-da, ya-da… and definitely, great company. PERIOD. hahahahz!!! don’t i sound so bimbotic now?? =P

ahhhh… so okayzzz… that’s it for now… doubt i will feel like or wanna blog anytime soon… it’s zapping up a lot of my energy… not to mention my com smells funny like the type of electrical smell, u know?? better not stress it… heh heh… =P

bellie’s tellie here i come!!! *poof* =)))

it’s 1.40am now… and i just finished revising biochem for today… decided to leave one small part to tmr to finish up round 2 of revision… as i sit here stroking my newly-straightened hair that i love so much and frowning at some strands of hair dropping… i start to think… how much time past… 27 days… 1 mth… it seems so long… yet looking back… i don’t know how the time past so quickly… yet i feel the weariness from the toll of time it has taken on me… and yet, i know how long it took coz everyday every minute, i find myself anticipating… for what?? i know exactly for what… but why… i also know… but still… i dunno… what have i done so far?? what have i accomplished so far?? what has changed?? what never changed?? oh sigh… i think the fear of biochem supps approaching is getting to me… i feel prepared yet so unprepared for it… seems like i study harder for pros then for supps… hmmm… not a good sign…

aiyoh… so fast time flew… in a wink of an eye, my mum’s leave is finished, my 1st MOE project is coming to an end, my sis’s exams is starting, my supps is coming, my 2nd MOE project is starting, OGL camp is coming, medicamp ‘07 is starting and john’s coming home… oh my… where did all the time go… i start thinking abt my plans from next week onwards and i realise i got a lot of things to do but not much time… and the shit thing is, biochem supps coming le… arghhhh… die… i wanna pass it but like can then like cannot also leh… -.-"""

"When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through"

i look at the bottle u gave me… i think abt somethings i’ve neglected… i thought abt what purpose this 1 mth was suppose to serve… i thought abt us. now that 3 days are left, everything seems to rush back to me now… things i left hanging coz there was still time in the beginning… things i didn’t feel like caring abt… they’re all coming back to me now… but i will do it. i will stand up and fight to defend for us… because. because us is the highlight of my life… and with my life, i’ll defend it dearly… and i hope u do too…

"I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, Myself and I
We’ve got some straightenin’ out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry"

ahhhh… i think i got a lot of things coming from monday onwards… not to mention i gotta have mastered biochem… gosh… i seriously wish the supps won’t be a killer… *faints*

18/6 - with izyan

19/6 - with izyan/kal

20/6 - tentative anat grp outing with steph

21/6 - outing with kal, john/shawn/hoopi’s return from europe

22/6 - with john

24/6 - mao’s bdae

26/6 - MOE grp’s CIP event day

27/6 - 1st meeting for MOE project 2

29/6 - last meeting for MOE project 1

30/6 - (got something i think… but cannot recall… kinkinus tell me when u check it up on ur planner k??)

4/7 - BIOCHEM SUPPS

5-6/7 - OGL camp

13/7 - SUPPS RESULTS

16-19/7 - Medicamp 2007

shity… i see the plans i have ahead… i feel in deep shit for my biochem… i wanna go something abt it while i still can… but like a bit helpless coz there’s nothing i can postpone… especially the MOE meetings… rarrrrr… but on a good note… i have earn $1000 this hols!!! way-to-go!!! *beammmmsssss* =)

"Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I’ll tell you my friend, one day this world’s going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn’t hurt, she says I finally had enough"

thurs was mummy’s bdae, fri was sam yeo’s bdae from med, sat (today is miroslav klose’s birthday!!! *grinsssss*) and sunday is yanling kong’s bdae from med also… so to all the birthday babies:

happy birthday to u,

happy birthday to u,

happy birthday to my cute, to swoon over and flood my area with my drool, miroslav klose!!!,

happy birthday to all u birthday babies!!! =)

wow… this whole week is like fully pack… with so much activities… lemme see… i practically went out everyday!!! finally today, saturday, got one rest day at home to sleep and slack around and do what i want… tmr going out again with mummy loh… wah… i did a hell lot of shopping without spending a single cent but got loads of things thanks to mummy dearest… hehheh…

yesterday went shopping with mummy at vivocity… finally bought a pair of shorts… heez… i most likely gonna get another pair in maybe black colour so i can alternate around… there’s this really worthy pair at nichii… good discounted price too!!! woooootzzz!!! shopping is my kind of girl’s best friends, not diamonds… =P so now my shopping list left only flip-flops… will get one soon!!! =)

looking back at this week:

mon-family outing

tue-outing with mummy

wed-outing with kal and weiting

thurs-outing with family for mummy’s birthday

fri-outing with mummy

sat-rest day at home

sun-outing with mummy

hahaz… what a packed week… speaking of which, next week is also (as of now) a fully packed week too… what happen was my friends ask me if i was free next week… so i opened up my whole week for scheduling… wah… the moment i said i was free, pple started booking me here and there… and within two days, my whole week is fully scheduled… as i was telling kal on the phone, i feel like a hotel… hahaz… pple gotta book me in advance for slots available… in a way i feel bad coz my best friend (since primary school) of 14 years and counting recently ask me to attend her 21st birthday party this august… yupz. u got it. she had to book me 2 mths in advance. in her words, she asked if she got book me first for 25th august… i felt so so rotten suddenly… i’m very honoured she invites me to something this important in her life… but i feel so sad it seems like i never have time for anyone in my social life outside medicine and my med friends… *sigh sigh* i really gotta work on it… anyhow, 12 more days and my johnjohn comes home… but looks like time will fly pretty fast coz of the busy week ahead… plus i gotta settle my MOE PRC group’s charity project… they ran into some trouble but solving now… should turn out quite fine… =) so this is my next week at a glance:

mon-outing with izyan

tue-outing with izyan

wed-outing with jiang lei and kal

thurs-outing with venessa and brenda

fri-outing with KKK at sentosa beach

sat-outing with kal

sun-outing with family

so ta-da!!! another fully pack week… on top of all that furry of activities, i need to start mugging again!!! alamak, engine a bit rusty already… heh heh… =)

"and we’ll be playing twister with a little twist/

so get into my car, relax, open up your mouth and say:

ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

bouncy bouncy smack smack,

i’m gonna get a heart attack.

bouncy bouncy smack smack,

i’m gonna give u a heart attack."

finally blogged in KKK’s blog after quite some long time… so many things happen in the past 2 mths… what a whirlpool of events and emotions…

today is mummy’s bdae… so happy bdae to mummy dearest!!! =) today we reached town earlier at about 1.40pm… so we went shopping at far east first… lolz… mummy bought me and my sis a dress each… i got a brown tube top dress while my sis got a black halter top dress… it was on sale from $33.90 to $20 each… lolz… then we went for high tea at royal plaza hotel… wow… the food was quite nice… a good mix of variety and my most favourite part?? THE CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN!!!!! alalalallalalala!!! the funny thing is this morning i was watching ‘charlie & the chocolate factory’ on HBO then got mention about chocolate waterfall… hahaz!!! trust me, my eyes were gleaming when i saw the chocolate fondue fountain!!! ahhaahz… *yummmmmmmmmmmmmy*

tmr going vivocity with mummy… more shopping!!! my to-buy list is almost complete… only left to buy shorts and a pair of flip-flops… and best part again?? everything is paid for by mummy dearest!!! hehheh… this means i can save the money i earned this hols all for me!!! *eyes gleaming* =)

this sat/sun free… maybe slacking at home… rest a bit… next week gonna go out somedays with mummy, some days with kinkinus… also back to start studying le… i sure do hope i pass my biochem supps and finally be promoted to M2… it’s so frustrating to be in the grey area… not M1 yet not M2 yet… like those ‘everything is not confirm’ situation… =/

oh yeah… next coming friday, most likely got KKK sentosa beach outing… then saturday going out with kal… the following tuesday also booked by kal… and then on the following thursday, the wait will finally be over… it’s just so tiring already… come this sunday, 1.5 more weeks… this is getting sian… =(

so for now… me will enjoy my remaining days left of my self-proclaimed 1 week total slack week… =) prison break is coming up soon on bellie’s tellie!!! =o)

it’s late in the night… it’s been a whole day… it’s been about 2 weeks… it’s been about 12 days… it’s 15 days left… and i sit here… listening to this song…

"Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough, Cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now, it’s the better thing to do.
It’s time to surrender.
It’s been to long pretending.
There’s no use in trying, when the pieces don’t fit anymore.
The pieces don’t fit here anymore…"

james morrison - pieces don’t fit anymore

haiz… i damn sianz now… 27 days like not say very long BUT certainly not say short either leh… now the counter is at 17 days… i’m doing absolutely mindless and stupid things like changing at next days so i can change 2 at one shot… or thinking 17 days is short, after this week left 1.5 weeks only, it’s survivable… so it’ll be 10 days and single digits… ya-da ya-da ya-da… blah blah blah… oh bah. then i’ll start to convert… like, oh 17 days, that’s abt 2.5 weeks… oh shit 10 days, that’s till 1.5 weeks… and then it seems long time again… bah. this is total bullocks… i mean it’s not like i am not enjoying my days… they are relatively enjoyable with friends and family alike… and i also dunno what i waiting so eagerly for… i mean yes of course i want him back soon… but sometimes i feel so silly and stupid and redundant to count everyday… it makes it so long… makes me feel at the end of the day, what am i actually anticipating for?? i blur by the wait le… i dunno lah… missing is hard, waiting is harder and i seriously wait until a bit sianz le… i wonder how it will feel if our roles are reversed… would he count everyday?? would it seem to pass so slowly like eternity to him?? would he dream of me?? would he long to embrace me so much he dreams about it?? silly me indeed…

past few days was a furry of events… lolz… slacking never felt so damn good manz… but i also nervous lah coz at odd times i will suddenly think of biochem and test myself mentally if i remember my stuff… oh the torture i’m put through… this is rubbish… =(

anyhow, monday went to watch movie with family at causeway cathay… we watched ‘pirates’… heh heh… watching for a 2nd time it was still an amazing amazing movie… and if u all haven’t noticed, i think orlando bloom looks quite like david beckham!!! no wonder i was so into him… i suddenly realised while watching MTV’s news about the premiere of ‘pirates’ in japan… omg. orlando looks damn hot and good enough to be eaten like now. period. hahaz…

tuesday, today, me and mummy went town… mummy bought christian dior perfume from DFS while she bought me a new purple cotton skirt and (u so gotta dig this!!! =P) new undies for me and my sis… ahahaz!!! =P mummy was so busy swiping her new shiny black visa today… i’m so gonna get me one soon!!! =)

tmr, wednesday, going out with weiting and kal… probably gonna catch shrek… me wanna go shopping too coz i wanna buy a pair of fashion shorts i saw at causeway metro… but they didn’t have my size so maybe i’ll try at paragon metro… gonna get a book too but i’ll get that with kinkinus most likely next week… yupz yupz…

thursday is mummy’s bdae… so we’re going for high tea at carousel at the royal plaza hotel… so i guess it’s another day for shopping at town!!! weeeezzz!!! more stuff for bellie me!!! =)

fri, sat, sun most likely no plans yet… saturday probably gonna go rebond my hair at cck jean yip… depending on when mummy wanna go do it… heez… she ask me don’t worry she will gao dim it… so funny… =)

and come the following monday… it will finally be 11 days… see what i mean by silly?? i’m tired of counting, tired of anticipating…

missing is hard. waiting is forever. wo deng dao bu nai fan le…